Mom Musings

Well, everyone said it, and now I believe it, children are easier when they are babies. For this mother, many years of childhood were spent playing with dolls and enjoying being a make believe mother. Then, the growing years were spent becoming an intelligent human being with skills that could help provide an income if need be. Then, the long awaited day came...that first day of mother hood. Nothing, no book, no advice, nothing could have prepared me for the real thing. It was crazy. That day...the first day of mother hood I realized I had no idea what I was doing. Thank God for my mother who was there. Thank God for those that were there to ease me into the experience! That day was long awaited and very much cherished. Little did I know that from then on, it was no longer my dreams and what I wanted, but it was putting myself down and killing my own selfish ways in order to meet the needs of another. I had no idea. I thought this was my dream and my excitement that was just beginning, but it was me that was slowly dieing. My selfish desires were going to be put down in order to meet the needs of someone else.

And, it is still hard. It is still hard to stop thinking about what I want. Those days...kids..that I had "had it" ? Those are the days I was fighting my own desires to do something, anything else besides the task at hand. I didn't want to deal with that problem, or clean up that mess, or stay up that night. But, I had to. It was my duty as a mother. I am just realizing that where i failed as a mother was that I failed to embrace the moment and realize this is the moment that GOd ordained for me. The moment of sickness so that I could show love, the moment of sin so that I could show mercy, the moment of selfishness so that I could extend judgment. The moment of hunger so that I could show provision. O Lord, I have failed sooo many times to show who you are by how I respond to the job you have given to me. Please forgive my sinful soul and please allow me to change and live as you would have me to live!!

O that we would understand that children need to show parents mercy as well as parents to show children mercy.

No matter what , our goal should be to strive to be like Christ. By being a mother, I have realized that motherhood is one of the best places to grow as  a Christian. Since growing as a Christian is about dieing to self. IT is easy to say, I will die to myself and allow Christ to be number 1 in my life. It is a lot harder to actually live that way moment by moment when every moment there is another task, another desire to fill, another person to hug, and another toilet to clean. It gets tiring and it gets overwhelming, but this is where the supernatural power of God really takes hold. When we can't do it anymore and we call out to God. O that I would learn and become a better Mom!!! To the older kids as well as those still in my care!